Wolf Born: Lunar Academy, Year One Page 8

“You need a sex life. That’s the problem. Think of how much more productive you’d be if you had one.”

  “Because sex would help me with Meditation & Spiritual Release?” I threw out the name of the class I should have been studying for. With everything else going on, my schoolwork was being pushed to the back burner.

  “Well, it will help you with a different kind of release.” She raised an eyebrow. “And you know it will help with strength training. I mean it’s quite a workout.”

  “Oh, because you’re an expert on sex now?” I decided it was time to move the questioning on to her.

  “Not an expert.”

  “Who are you, uh, learning with?” I wanted to sound natural, but it was hard. This was a conversation that should have been exciting. Instead, I felt like I was preparing for war.

  “No one you know.”

  “Yet you say I’m the one with the exciting life?”

  She smiled. “Okay. I may have met someone.”

  My stomach churned. I really hoped this wasn’t when she told me she was sleeping with that disgusting leader. “What’s his name?”

  “Let’s keep his name out of this.” She ran her hand over the blanket. “It’s not important.”

  “Wait. What?” I propped myself up more. “Why can’t you tell me his name?”

  “You don’t know him, so why would his name matter?” She tried to sound nonchalant, but she failed.

  “Because then I know who to pester you about.”

  She laughed. “Oh, in that case, call him Mr. Sexy.”

  “Yeah. No.” Normally, I’d have laughed at Jackie for saying stuff like this, but not this time.

  “Fine. I’ll tell you his name, if you tell me which of your two potential partners you want more.”

  “Um, neither.” I looked away.

  “That’s a lie and you know it.” She laughed. “Come on now.”

  “Fine. Sure. It’s a deal.” I’d play along if it got me the information I needed.

  “So who is it?” She leaned in close.

  I tried not to recoil even though she disgusted me now. “Name first.”

  She sighed. “Fine. His name is Edmund.”

  “Edmund, huh?” I searched my mind for any Edmunds I’d met or heard about. I came up empty outside of characters in books.

  “Yes. Like I said, you don’t know him.”

  “Okay. I’ll give you that.” But I would figure out who he was. If the name was even real, or if a guy even existed. It may have all been a big lie to get me talking.

  “Your turn. Which one is it?” She grinned.

  Because I assumed she had lied, I lied too. “Dameon.”

  “Wait. What?” Her eyes widened. “You can’t be serious.”

  “Why not? He’s hot. He’s got a great accent.”

  “Yeah, but he’s not Ryan Grayson.”

  “Obviously… but when have I ever showed interest in Grayson?” There was only one answer. Never. I’d been very careful to keep my thoughts about him very private.

  “Grayson? You always call him Ryan.”

  “So? What’s the problem if I’m using his last name now?” I’d slipped up, and it was a mistake.

  Jackie made a clicking sound with her tongue. “Come on. You know I’ve read your diary.”

  “What?” I pushed the blankets away and sat up straight. “You did what?”

  “You know I’m a curious person.”

  “You read my diary?” Maybe in the big scheme of things it wasn’t a big deal, but it still made me seriously mad.

  “You can’t be surprised.” She pulled a stray string from the blanket.

  “I am.” I have so many personal things in there.

  “Fine. Be surprised. But I read it. If you didn’t want me to, you should have made yours digital like everyone else does. You want Ryan.”

  Digital diaries were even more ripe for invasion. And by more people. They were also easy to share and had the potential to go viral with an accidental click. I took my chances with the old-fashioned paper route.

  “Well, that was before I met Dameon.” I didn’t enjoy lying, same as I didn’t like pretending to have a crush on Dameon, but I had to throw her off my trail.

  “Really? I’m sorry, but I’m struggling with accepting this. Ryan finally shows interest in you, and you don’t want him?”

  “I was never that into Ryan.” I really hoped she dropped it, but I knew I wouldn’t get that lucky. Not with Jackie.

  “You called him akin to a god.” She smiled, quoting me.

  I felt the blood rush to my face—half out of embarrassment and half out of anger. “That was just flowery speech.”

  “Oh? What about him being so much more than he pretended to be? How he’s so intellectual, but no one sees it?”

  “Stop. Do you realize how wrong it is that you’re giving me a hard time about stuff I wrote in my private journal?” Jackie had already proven herself to be a horrible person by killing someone, yet this was what pushed me over the edge? I needed to get myself together.

  “What I don’t get is why you never told me.” She smoothed out her hair. “I’m your best friend. Yet you never told me you were into him. All you ever did was complain about him.”

  “I didn’t complain.”

  “True.” She tipped her head to the side. “But, you had no problem when I did.”

  “And you wonder why I didn’t tell you anything?”

  “No. I know why. You didn’t tell me because you didn’t trust me. I wish you trusted me more.”

  “You want me to trust you after admitting that you’ve read my diary without permission?”

  “Is there another way to read a diary? I mean no one reads one with permission.”

  “Not true. Had you asked, maybe I would’ve let you read it.”

  She laughed. “Yeah right. Not a chance.”

  “So, tell me more about Edmund.” I had to at least try to push things back on her.

  “Not much to tell.”

  “Oh, come on. You lost your virginity, and it’s not a big deal?”

  “Who says I lost my virginity to him?” She pulled her leg up under her.

  “Wait. There’s someone else?” A lump formed in my throat. How much was she hiding from me? Compared to the whole murder thing, this shouldn’t have been such a big deal, but we’d been best friends forever. Finding out she’d been hiding such important details of her life from me stung more than a little.

  “Fine. I lost my virginity to him.” She sighed.

  “So tell me about it.”

  “The sex itself wasn’t great.” She pulled her other leg up, so she was sitting cross-legged. “The first time, I mean. But that was my fault. Not his.”

  “What makes you say that?” I tried to sound interested, because despite everything, I was. We’d talked about this. Sex. Virginity. We’d had these conversations so many times.

  “Because he’s way more experienced than I am.”

  “He’s older, then?” I tried to imagine losing my virginity to an older guy. Experience could be good, but it would intimidate me.

  “Yes.”

  “How much older?” I knew these sorts of details were private, but I needed to know.

  “Does it matter?”

  “Not really. Age is just a number. I'm just curious.”

  “He’s a lot older. But I’m eighteen. It’s okay.”

  “Age is just a number.”

  “Exactly.” She nodded. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “I meant being eighteen doesn’t automatically change things.”

  “But, I mean I’m legal.”

  I really hoped he wasn’t in his forties or older—not that any of it really mattered.

  “Legal? How old is this guy?”

  “Twenty-five.”

  “Okay… not awful old.” A much smaller age difference than I was expecting.

  “But old.” Old might have been stretching it, but twenty-five did sound way older tha
n eighteen.

  “He doesn’t look old. He looks hot. And sexy.” She smiled. For a brief moment, she reverted back to the Jackie I knew. Not the one who killed people.

  “Will I meet him sometime?”

  “Maybe.” She shrugged.

  “Only maybe?” That in itself was a warning sign. Even if I hadn’t already known so much, she should have been excited at the thought of introducing him to me. It was how best friends worked.

  “Eventually, I think you will. Okay, enough talk of Edmund… tell me more about why you want Dameon over Ryan. It makes no sense.” Her eyes flashed with curiosity.

  “Why do you care? You don’t even like Ryan.” I held her stare.

  “I like him better than Dameon.”

  “What do you have against Dameon?”

  “He’s arrogant, for starters.”

  “Isn’t that why you hate Ryan?” I couldn’t let her get off that easy.

  “I don’t hate Ryan.”

  “Come on, Jackie. I thought we were being honest tonight.” She’d complained about him constantly the past few years. It was part of why I never admitted my feelings for him. The other reason was I didn’t want to admit them to myself. Putting those thoughts in a diary was one thing. Saying them out loud was something else altogether.

  “He just annoys me. He’s walked around like the king of the world since we were kids.”

  “You say that, but why? What did he ever do? I mean everyone fawned over him. Like Lauren and Aliana. But what did he do in particular?” Because I was realizing that I’d pegged Ryan wrong. Sure, I had always wondered if there was more below the surface, but that was more fantasy than anything. I had wanted to believe he was more than a pretty face.

  My heart kicked up at the thought of him.

  He was the perfect mix of rugged and classically handsome. His lips were kissable. I knew this without ever having had the opportunity to brush mine against his. He was one of those guys you could just tell. I knew he’d be a biter too.

  I stopped my thought flow before I fell even deeper into that fantasy.

  “Maybe I was totally wrong about him.” Jackie sighed. “Maybe I was jealous because our families will never be like his. But you know…”

  “What do I know?”

  “He’s into you. Really into you. If you two mated…”

  “Okay you have to stop trailing off dramatically.”

  She laughed. “Sorry. I’m getting ahead of myself. If you mated with him, you’d be a Grayson. And then I’d be best friends with a Grayson.”

  “I’m not mating with him.” Not to mention that, even if I did, it didn’t mean I’d necessarily change my name. I was proud to be a Hazel, and I didn’t think I’d ever want to give that up.

  “No? Because you want to mate with Dameon?”

  “I thought we were talking about sex? Where does mating come in?”

  “You don’t do casual sex. Remember?” She arched a brow.

  “I might?” I didn’t. Jackie was right about that, but that didn’t mean I would let her off easily.

  Jackie laughed. “Whatever. You don't do it, just like I don't."

  “Wait a minute. You want to mate with Edmund?”

  She leaned in further, pressing her forehead against mine the way she used to do when we were kids and her parents were packing up to leave again. It was also what she did when my father got sick, and afterward when he healed but was never the same. It was what she did when she wanted comfort, or when she wanted to give it. “Yes. And I will. He’s already asked me.”

  “Wow. That’s fast.”

  “What’s wrong with fast if you know it’s the right person?” She pulled her head away. I’d touched a nerve. I could see it in her eyes.

  “Nothing.” Sometimes, two wolves felt the connection so strongly they had to jump right into it in order to survive. Other times, it was a slow build that took years. The two had to be in the right place at the right time. No matter how it started, when it took over, there was no turning back. Once you mated, you mated for life. “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it as long as you’re careful.”

  “I’m never careful.” She scoffed.

  I laughed because she was right. As quickly as the laugh came though, it died. My insides pinched tight as I realized I’d almost forgotten what I’d overheard her say.

  She’d killed someone.

  “I’ll make sure I get through this in one piece, though.” She flashed me a sad smile that had concern rushing through my veins.

  A horrible thought occurred to me—was Jackie being controlled? By Edmund?

  “Are you okay?” I asked.

  She nodded. “I’m more than okay. You, on the other hand—”

  “No. No turning this back on me. We need to finish with you first.”

  “There’s not much else to tell.” She stretched out next to me.

  “So the first time wasn’t amazing. What about after that?” I needed to keep her talking.

  “It got better and better.” She grinned. “It’s amazing, Nadia. Amazing.”

  “And it’s more than sex?”

  “So much more.” She sighed. “I’m in love.” She pulled open the blanket to slip in next to me in my twin bed. “He’s wonderful. So wonderful. You can’t imagine.”

  “Why? What makes him so wonderful?” It should have worried me to have her lying next to me that way, considering what I’d heard her admit to. But it didn’t. She wouldn’t hurt me, and I knew it.

  “He’s strong. Assertive.”

  “So, you’re into alphas. Interesting. I thought you were more of a beta girl.”

  “Maybe that’s the problem. I thought I was too, but I was wrong.” She curled up on her side facing me. “We grow up believing one thing about ourselves just to discover we were wrong and are totally into something else entirely.”

  “So he’s an alpha in bed or in real life?”

  “He’s an alpha everywhere.”

  “He doesn't hurt you, does he?” I had to ask. No matter what bad things she’d done, she was still Jackie. She was still my best friend. Ugh. How was I unable to accept that she wasn’t the same person anymore? Maybe it was because deep down, I wanted to believe there had to be more to the story.

  “Not unless I want him to.” Her smile grew.

  “Jackie!”

  “What? Don’t act like it’s so crazy. Plenty of wolves like the pleasure and pain mix. Plenty of humans do too.”

  “So you’re talking sex? Because that’s different. I don’t think I could ever mix the two, but in theory, I get it.” Life was full of enough pain as it is. Who wanted to add to it?

  “He doesn’t hurt me. He pushes me though. He pushes me to rethink my beliefs and desires.”

  “But you aren’t losing sight of yourself, right?” Of course I knew she was. “I mean it’s great that he challenges you, but not all of your beliefs and desires are bad.”

  “I’m not losing sight of myself, but I am becoming a better version of myself.”

  “I thought you were a pretty great version before.” There was a reason we were best friends.

  She snuggled closer. “You were about the only one who did. Even my parents didn’t like me.”

  “That’s not true. They love you.” It hurt to hear her say that, even though I’d heard her utter those same words many times over the years.

  “Then why haven’t I seen them in a year?”

  “Because they have important jobs.” It was like being kids again. I was making the same excuses for people that really had no excuse for their actions.

  “Their jobs are more important than me.” She had used those same words many times over the years. By the age of seven, she’d been tired of being raised by nannies. She’d yearned for a normal family and practically lived at my house. Even though my parents weren’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination, they were there. And to her that was perfect.

  “It sucks how much they’re away. They misse
d most of your childhood and that’s their loss. Because you were such a crazy good kid. But don’t let your anger at them shape your future. You’ve always been super independent. Are you sure you want to be with a guy who's trying to destroy that?”

  “He’s not destroying that.” She moved away. “How can you say that when you haven’t met him?”

  Maybe because he’d brainwashed her into hating humans. But I couldn’t say that. And technically, I didn’t know that he did. Maybe he introduced her to really bad friends? Or made her study weird books? Or…okay. He’d brainwashed her. Because otherwise, Jackie would still be Jackie. I knew it in every grain of my being. And maybe it wasn’t too late to stop things. Sure she’d committed murder, but she could argue she did it under duress. She could find a way to be a better wolf and make up for it. Not that it made up for the loss of life.

  Nothing could make up for the loss of life.

  “Okay. Tell me more about him.” I’d follow Dameon’s advice. I’d play along. Strangely, it was easier than I expected.

  Ryan

  Nadia’s brain was so unbelievably sexy. The way she connected details and jumped from one thing to another. I couldn’t get enough of watching her work. I kept thinking the novelty of spending time with her would wear off, but as the days became weeks, and then more than a month, I only wanted more of her in any way I could get. It would never be enough. She could get enough of my watching her though.

  “Quit staring and help me,” she snapped. It wasn’t the first time she’d snapped at me for that reason. And for one reason or another, I found it rather amusing. She was cute when she got annoyed.

  But that didn’t mean I wanted her angry. “How can I help?”

  “Make calls. Everyone knows and likes you.”

  “But I can’t tell them why I’m asking the questions. And I’ll just make everyone suspicious.” My last name carried weight, but it also made people nervous. They’d assume I was asking for some official business and start making calls of their own. This would mean my parents would get involved, and then we’d really be in trouble.

  “True.” She sighed, and rubbed at her neck as though it hurt her. “I just can’t seem to find much.”

  “Just like Dameon said.” And I hated that the guy was right.